Your responsibility does not end
with being a leader. We have seen about leading in love in the last letter. The
bible does not stop there. Only two commands are given to the wife in Ephesians
5:22-33 – submit and respect. Looking through the passage will unfold the
various commands given to the husband. You need to fulfil each of them in your
life, Andrew. It is hard work.
Coming to the first one, once
again talking about the command to love your wife – you must
read and meditate on the qualities of love given in I Corinthians 13: 4 -7. The
model of love is Christ Jesus himself. He loves the church when he knew he
would get nothing in return. He loved even when he knew that the church was
full of people who were sinners. His love was a sacrificial love. It was a
forgiving love. It was a giving love. It was a love that was willing to die to
save the other. This is the standard of love set for you, Andrew. Most men are
prone to anger very quickly. They get upset and shout for the smallest misdeeds
on the part of their wife. They maintain an unforgiving even when the wife asks
for pardon. True love forgives and forgets. True love does not keep a record of
wrongs. Someone ahs said the best marriage is between two forgivers. When I
look around at families today, I am reminded of how much we have failed in this
aspect of love. Many men have been selfish and demanding without consideration
for their wives. Let your marriage not be another one like that. May our good
Lord equip you to strike the right balance between love, authority and
forgiveness.
Next, you have the
responsibility to nourish your wife. This talks about taking care
of her physical and material needs. It means providing food, clothing and
shelter so that she is able to grow, be healthy and protected in every way.
Ephesians 5:28, 29 – tells you to love her as your own body. Just as you take
care of the needs of your own body, take care of the needs of your wife too.
You do not hate your body. Looking after your body is not a burden to you. You
want to give your body the best you can give. Give the same treatment to you
wife too. Man is born with the natural instinct to care for his own body. He
feeds it, clothes it, bathes it, and protects it from pain, sickness,
discomfort and harm. The body’s survival depends on the care we give it. All
this has to be done by you, for your wife. Nourish means to develop, nurture
and lift up. A husband who nourishes his wife will care deeply about her moving
in an upward direction both physically and mentally balanced. Because of the
care he gives her she is able to bring out all her hidden talents and
capabilities. (Women have innumerable God-given talents and capabilities).
Thereby she is encouraged to do more good for you and your household. She
becomes more productive like the woman in Proverbs 31. Being married to such a
man has a whole world of opportunities opening up before her. If the husband is
not a nourisher, she will sulk, draw back into herself and become useless and
unproductive.
In the above context, I want to
draw your attention to I Timothy 5:8. This portion of scripture talks about the
need for a man to provide for the material needs of the home. The seriousness
of failing to provide for one’s own household is emphasized here. A husband has
the responsibility to work hard and save money for immediate future needs too.
The Lord will provide for those who seek His kingdom and righteousness, no
doubt; but looking to the help of others for basic needs because of unwise
financial decisions is not expected of a believer. Here the apostle says such a
person is worse than an unbeliever.
Next, you have the responsibility
to cherish your wife. This talks about meeting her mental and
emotional needs. Women may have many ups and downs through the days of every
month as I have told you earlier. Her body is always preparing itself with
hormonal changes for the purpose of reproduction. This will cause behavioural
changes in her. She will be moody on some days, highly excited on other days
and well- balanced on a few days. Whichever be the day and whatever be the
mood, she must feel the warmth of her husband. You must be able to put up with
her with care and comfort. She must feel your great affection for her. You must
dote on her, be devoted to her, lend a helping hand in all the chores, use
words that will tell her how much you treasure her and appreciate all that she
does. Cherish simply means satisfy her emotional needs in every way you can. A
hug, a kiss, a surprise gift, bringing something for dinner and telling her to
keep away from the kitchen for the night….all these boost her emotionally. All
this will do you good because she sees love written in all of these things and
will willingly give herself to you for your own enjoyment. A husband who
cherishes his wife will be soft and patient with her, holding her dear above
all and everyone else, second only to Christ himself. A husband who cherishes
his wife will not compare her with others or find fault with her for each and
everything. He will not break her heart by treating her as a loser; Instead, he
will delight in her and treat her as his most prized possession on earth.
One more thing - I more
thing - In Colossians 3:19 - men are exhorted not to bitter against their
wives. This means the heart attitude to your wife has to be right. No hateful,
resentful, angry, unforgiving spirit should be lodged in the heart against her.
When it comes to such situations, judge yourself and replace it with love. This
is easier said than done; but you have to do this exercise on a daily basis. If
the heart is right, then there is no question of physical abuse or mental
abuse. If the heart attitude is wrong, the actions will also be wrong. There is
no place for physical or mental torture in a Christian marriage. Only love and
all the accompanying fruit of the spirit...joy, patience, long-suffering,
kindness, tenderness etc. have place in a biblical marriage.
Another important aspect I want
to derive from Ephesians 5: 26 and 27. Christ is now doing the sanctification
process on His church using the word as a cleanser. The principle I want to
derive from here is that as a husband you are responsible for the moral and
spiritual upliftment of your wife. In the letter on headship, I have mentioned
how you are to be the prophet, priest and king in your home. Here I want to
stress the fact that she should be able to put to death the viles that reside
in her flesh because your spiritual guidance. She should be able to grow and
mature spiritually, cleansing herself in the mirror of God’s word. For this,
you need to first know the word and live in obedience to it. As you go on
together the rough sides of your life will become more and more evident. Both
of you will have need to mortify the deeds of the flesh and endeavour to walk in
the spirit. Do not let the infirmities of your wife be an excuse for your won
hardness and cruelty. See what manner Christ dealt with his church – how he
does not reject her because of all the filth and uncleanness that settles in;
how he does not cease to plead on our behalf and wipe away all of it until He
wholly purifies it. Christ’s objective was to cleanse her using the word as a
purifying agent. So also you have the responsibility to spiritually motivate
her by rightly dividing the word to her and encouraging her to walk in the path
of righteousness. Moreover, the verse says that the Lord will present His
church one day as a glorious church. As a husband, you alone have the
responsibility to present your wife in a better manner before the Lord one day.
She is given by God to you, for a time. You will one day have to give an
account of what you do with her, after she became your wife!
Now you see Andrew, being a good
husband is not easy. You need much grace. Depend on the Lord in prayer. Every
time you get irritated, angry, feel like shouting, see yourself in the mirror
of God’s word. Shoot out and kill all the deeds of the flesh. Christian
marriage, as I already mentioned, is the best sphere to become like Christ. May
you graduate into the head, which is Christ as you go on.
My prayer for you: Dear Lord, the
road ahead is not easy for my son; but I thank you that you are with him in his
marriage. You who said ‘I will never leave you forsake you’, take him in your
hands. Enable him to fulfil the demands you have kept in your word for the
blessing of marriage. Help Andrew to see the wickedness dwelling in his own
flesh and give him strength to mortify it. Thank you for the enabling power of
the spirit within him. Give his help each moment of the days to come. In Your
precious name I pray, Amen.
Amma
